Hey man, wanna buy some...

Savanna went to the mall today. Savanna is my fourteen year old daughter and a teenager in every way... except maybe one. At the mall, she got a couple of shirts, a cardigan and some "Crest 3-D White" toothpaste and "Crest 3D White Multi-Care Whitening Rinse." Now, while most teenagers would be excited about the clothes she got while shopping, Savanna wasn't. What SHE was excited about, was the "Crest 3-D White" toothpaste... yes, the "Crest 3-D White" toothpaste. She talked about it, extending it's virtue to us in conversation. After we cleaned up from supper, she asked, with all the enthusiasm of a child asking if they could have their dessert now, if she could go upstairs and use her "Crest 3-D White" toothpaste and "Crest 3D White Multi-Care Whitening Rinse." I told her she could, and off she went, dancing and singing "3-D Cresssssssst White, 3-D Cresssssssst White, 3-D Cresssssssst White... upstairs to brush and rinse."

I have to wonder if this is something that all her friends are doing and if they are, is there something more to it than whitening teeth. Maybe they figured out an alternative use for "Crest 3-D White" toothpaste." 

I googled: "what can you do with Crest 3-D White toothpaste." 

The answer: brush and whiten your teeth. 

I googled again: "can you get high on Crest 3-D White toothpaste?" 

The answer: "no, you can't get high on Crest 3-D White toothpaste."

I googled again: "Are you sure?"

The answer: "Yes"

I googled one more time: "Are you a Crest 3-D White drug dealer?"

The answer: "Narc... run!!!"

This leads to all kinds of questions. Are there sinister looking kids standing on street corners in downtown Fredericton whispering "Psssst, want to buy some Crest 3-D White?" Are kids passing tiny bits of cellophane wrapped Crest 3-D White toothpaste around in the bathrooms in school and whitening? Are there Crest Houses where addicts go to hang out and "whiten"? Are there Mexican Crest cartels stealing and killing for Crest 3-D White toothpaste? Will Police Departments start doing Crest 3-D White toothpaste stings? I'm afraid... this might be the new recreational drug epidemic that could turn into a 21st century scourge. Millions and millions of kids addicted to the worst thing to have hit the streets in decades. I guess amidst all the sadness and wasted lives, there is one bit of sunshine... at least they'll all have white teeth!